Conspiracies of a Twisted Mind
by nataeiy1
Summary: Drabbles. Our favorite thief gets caught red-handed. So to speak.
1. Expressions of Mischief

**Title:** Expressions of Mischief  
**Fandom:** Detective Conan/Magic Kaito  
**Pairing:** none  
**Characters:** Edogawa Conan, Kuroba Kaito  
**Rating:** K  
**Genre:** Humor/Parody  
**Warnings:** none  
**Author's Note:** Random plunnie that's not going anywhere. Feel free to use this or any future plunnies for your own amusement. I guess I'll just take a page from Koori's and Sama's awesome books and write shorts like this. Some may be inter-related, and some will just be complete randomness. I'm currently in the process of rewriting everything. I won't be changing anything significant, but I found so many little errors and pieces that I need to alter just a bit that I'm just rewriting. It's slow going with all the projects I've got going, as well as school and work, so be patient with me. I've got so many plunnies that I haven't managed to do anything with, but I will eventually. I'll always post pairings and warnings before the chapter, so if you have any reservations, read those before you read the chapter. It'll pretty mild and generally humorous though, and mostly be starring Kaito and Conan/Shinichi, but not always, and like this particular chapter, it won't always be a pairing.  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright to their respective copyright holders.  
**Summary:** Kaito stole Conan a week ago, and the shrunken detective has been living with him since. Maybe they've spent too much time together.

"_There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."  
-Oscar Levant_

_**First Conspiracy**__  
Expressions of Mischief_

He woke up slowly, feeling oddly rested considering his late night. At the same time though, the more he woke, the more he could feel the pressure in his chest. It wasn't enough to restrict his breathing, but it _was_ enough to be uncomfortable. Waking even further, he found that both of his shoulders felt sore, as if they'd been in a strange position all night. Blearily, he opened his eyes and blinked.

And blinked again.

"Why is there an economy-sized detective on my chest?"

Said economy-sized detective gave him and annoyed glance at his choice of words, but his expression soon changed to easy amusement. Conan was sitting on Kaito's chest with his arms and legs crossed, looking down at the thief. Kaito decided to hug him and wipe that smirk off the chibi's face.

If only his wrists weren't handcuffed to the bedpost.

Conan's smirk widened. "The police will arrive to arrest you in a few minutes. Stay still and by a good boy."

_Little brat!_ Well, he'd get what's coming to him! He'd learn to not underestimate _the_ Kaitou KID!

Kaito quickly picked the lock of the handcuffs to free himself, and then he embraced the irritating miniature, effectively restricting movement. "And why would the police be coming here, my _dear, beloved Conan-chan?_" he asked irately, pinching the squirming Conan's cheeks.

"I was just kidding," he whined. "Why _would_ I call the police? The look on you face when I said that was hilarious!"

Kaito's grip slackened. He felt a bit confused. Wasn't that kind of prank something that _he_ would do? Tantei-kun was much too serious to deliberately create a humorous situation. Maybe they'd spent so much time together that they were beginning to exchange roles…"

Conan looked up at him with wide, round (deceptively) _innocent_ eyes that sparkled and shined with terrible Kaito-like mischief. "Ne, _Kaito-niichan_, teach me how to pick locks like that!"


	2. Expressions of Insomnia

**Title:** Expressions of Insomnia  
**Fandom:** Detective Conan/Magic Kaito  
**Pairing:** none  
**Characters:** Edogawa Conan, Kaitou KID  
**Rating:** K+  
**Genre:** Suspense  
**Warnings:** none  
**Author's Note:** Okay, so I came up with this after reading ch. 69 of Koori's _Seduction of Kid_ so it would kinda take place at that point. But it's not really _based_ on Sed. And it's (meant to be) much darker.  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright to their respective copyright holders.  
**Summary:** Conan has been dreaming.

"_Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow"  
~Swedish Proverb_

_**Second Conspiracy**__  
Expressions of Insomnia_

He sat up quickly, rasping with his hand over his heart.

He'd had those kinds of dreams before, but they were far and few between. Usually it was Ran or the kids or Haibara and Hakase being involved when the organization finally discovered him, and he would hear their screams as they were tortured and killed.

But that was it.

He would hear their screams, and sometimes his own, but he wouldn't hear anything else, and he could only see darkness. Occasionally, but even more rare, he would see them with a gun (usually held by Gin) pointed at their heads, and just as the trigger is about to be pulled, he would wake up. He'd never seen the gore of these recent nightmares before.

The past week and a half had been rather bland. There was no word from KID or Vermouth, and no activity from the organization. It was like the calm before the storm.

Sure, there was the usual murder every day or two, but… Okay, so maybe it wasn't necessarily calm. It was just normal. But the past week and a half of normal days was a past week and a half of miserable, horrific nights.

Instead of hearing the screams of his friends being tortured, he would see and hear the terrifying scenes of KID's death. And his own mind would supply the most nightmarish ways for the thief to die.

Apparently, there were a lot more most nightmarish ways to die than he'd thought.

Every night, he would manage sleep for a few hours before waking up in a cold sweat, the sickening sounds of bones breaking and twisting ringing in his ears, the images of pools and splatters of blood resting just behind his eyelids, and he swallowed the bile back down.

Even when he could get some sleep, he was still left exhausted. What was the point of sleeping at all?

_Well,_ he thought defiantly, _I just won't sleep then._

**A/N:**

Obviously, there will need to be some form of another one of these. That's not much of an ending, and I don't think I'll leave you hanging like that.

Or will I?


	3. Expressions of Justice

**Title:** Expressions of Justice  
**Fandom:** Detective Conan  
**Pairing:** none  
**Characters:** Edogawa Conan, Gin  
**Rating:** K  
**Genre:** Humor/Parody  
**Warnings:** undignified assassin  
**Author's Note:** Inspired by the randomness of the KSA, though it isn't KaiShin.  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright to their respective copyright holders.  
**Summary:** It's not like he _meant_ to do it…

"_If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him."  
-Buddha_

_**Third Conspiracy**__  
Expressions of Justice_

He was grabbed around the throat and shoved against the wall roughly, leaving him no room to get his footing. Air rushed from his lungs and black clouded the edges of his vision as he scratched at Gin's hand.

The grip got even tighter as the assassin leaned closer—he could almost _taste_ that _foul_ breath—just close enough for him to…

Conan kicked—_hard_—savoring the man's odd pained _heek_, and he dropped to the ground, gasping breath.

He forcefully got a hold of himself and picked himself up, ignoring the blood that dripped down his temple. Gin was…

…Curled up, on the floor, in a most undignified position. He wasn't even wearing shoes! It couldn't have hurt _that_ much! And this is supposed to be the ever feared assassin‽

Conan let out a huff, moving—carefully, so as not to cause even further pain to his already bruised and sore body—to see what the _damned_ murderer's problem was (wasn't he supposed to be _murdering_ or something?) Conan then saw where Gin was gripping. He hadn't really…

…_Had he?_

_Oh, for the love of…!_ Why should he feel guilty‽ The bane of his existence, the man who stole his life from him, the murderer who'd already practically killed him once, had been taken out by a kick between the legs!

Justice has been served.

**A/N:**

I got such a kick out of this. I hope you did too.


	4. Expressions of Death

**Title:** Expressions of Death  
**Fandom:** Detective Conan  
**Pairing:** none  
**Characters:** Mouri Ran, Edogawa Conan  
**Rating:** K  
**Genre:** Supernatural/Mystery  
**Warnings:** none  
**Author's Note:** Ghost story time. Another random plunnie that came to me when I was reading chapter 709 (not related, which is why it's random). It's confusing, but it's from Ran's point of view, and she doesn't understand it all herself, so that's expected.  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright to their respective copyright holders.  
**Summary:** Ran wonders about Conan, not realizing that he has already put one foot beyond the door, into the room known as Death.

"_Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see."  
-Helen Keller_

_**Fourth Conspiracy**__  
Expressions of Death_

"Can you remember anything that happened? …That's it? …I see…"

The first time Ran saw Conan doing this, she thought it the most adorable thing ever. He always seemed so mature that seeing him talking to himself and _playing_ detective (rather than being one) was really quite refreshing. It proved to her that her charge could be a child and reminded her that even as responsible and mature as he seemed, he still needed someone to take care of him.

Every once in a while, she'd walk by a room he occupied alone—sometimes the bedroom, sometimes even the bathroom, _usually_ the office, _always_ somewhere he thought he wouldn't be interrupted—and she'd hear him talking to himself as if he was a detective with a client and in the middle of solving a case. She'd just smile to herself and leave him to it.

But then she noticed that he would always go somewhere afterward. At first, she figured he was just continuing to play investigate, but that thought soon flew out the window, metaphorically speaking.

One day, she followed him.

And she watched him solve an actual case, as if he had an unimagined understanding of the situation given to him by a very real client. Where he met this client, she wasn't sure, because she'd been watching him since he left home. And then she realized how often this kind of thing happened. It was as if he was doing a favor to someone already passed.

So Ran watched him closer and closer. He seemed even more of a mystery than ever, and though she wasn't a detective, there was a feeling that she needed to solve it. Her father was a professional private detective and often a consult for the police, so she ended up at a lot of crime scenes. Conan was always there. So she kept watching him.

He would mumble to himself under his breath almost constantly, and when someone turned up dead (which happened in most of the cases, and was routinely murder) his eyes would alight upon something invisible to everyone else. She could never figure out what it was.

Sometimes, he'd even get that look in his eye—he saw something that no one else could—when they were out and about, or just at home. Afterward, he would disappear to the bedroom or bathroom or the office downstairs.

She was close, she knew it. She had all the pieces; she just had to connect them.

Pondering this, she put breakfast on the table and walked to her father's bedroom to wake up up her boys. Conan wasn't a morning person, as usual. (Neither was Kogoro, but that was only because he stayed up late, out playing mahjong.) And then his eyes lit up, seeing something over her shoulder as he sat up, but she knew that there was nothing there.

Her father stumbled to the bathroom to wash up, and she left the room, peering through the crack in the door and waiting for him to begin speaking to the air, confident that he was alone. He did not disappoint.

It never occurred to her that maybe he wasn't alone.

**A/N:**

Not happy. Next one might be.


	5. Expressions of Irritation

**Title:** Expressions of Irritation  
**Fandom:** Detective Conan/Magic Kaito  
**Pairing:** none  
**Characters:** Edogawa Conan  
**Rating:** K  
**Genre:** Humor/Parody  
**Warnings:** character spoiler: 13th movie  
**Author's Note:** So I was watching Raven Chaser for the nth time, and there was this part near the end where Conan looked so serious, but all I thought was _cute!_ It's not really a spoiler for the movie, just for one of the characters who is included. It's kind of a similar idea to the Fourth Conspiracy, but it's from Conan's point of view and a completely different feeling! Then I decided on the other two characters, and _that_ led to _another_ character being in it... so here it is!  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright to their respective copyright holders.  
**Summary:** Conan isn't only able to see. He's also able to _hear_. And the conversation he hears at the breakfast table…

"_I don't have pet peeves; I have whole kennels of irritation."  
-Whoopi Goldberg_

_**Fifth Conspiracy**__  
Expressions of Irritation_

"I get what you mean; he _does_ get into a lot of trouble… But just look at that face, Irish!"

Irish smirked, foreign features twisting with age. He was obviously amused, to the deep consternation of the subject.

Toichi had this _look_ on his face, one that Shinichi had seen on his own father's far too often. _He_ was amused too, _damn_ him. "You're doting, Akemi-san."

Akemi only grinned. She seemed to have taken it as a compliment. "Who _wouldn't_? He's so _cute_! And those glasses are so big for his face; I can't figure out if he's cuter _with_ glasses or _without_."

Conan frowned, taking another bite of rice and trying to tune out her irritating babbling. Who knew Haibara's sister could _talk_ so much?

"Is something wrong?" Kaito asked. "You seem… _distressed_."

"…_so adorable_!"

He choked on his breakfast, wishing he could be back to his usual size, if only so they would _shut up_.

"Ah!" Kaito exclaimed in realization, patting Conan's back. "Is someone talking to you?"

Conan glared, once again doing his best to _not listen_ to the _dead people_. "Your father and Irish and Akemi-san are _having a conversation._"

"Ho…" Great, even Kaito was feeling entertained by his predicament. "I can only imagine what _they_ could be talking about when put together, especially for you to make such _fascinating-_" (Conan didn't like the way he said that) "-expressions. So, what's the topic?" He sounded much too nonchalant.

"I understand what you mean, Miyano," Irish said. He was standing just behind Conan, making the boy feel paranoid. Probably on purpose. "Ya know, I thought I understood why Vermouth was so into this guy-" (here he pointed down toward the top of Conan's head with his index finger) "-when he tried to save me, but now I wonder if _maybe_…"

Conan resisted the urge to snarl. "_Me._"

Irish bent over to peer closely at Conan's face, upside-down, wisps of blond hair brushing across Conan's cheek. "…_maybe_, Vermouth is a bit shotacon?"

He slammed his fists down on the table—he'd officially lost his appetite—as Irish jumped out of range with a smirk. Ignoring the father and son magicians cracking up on the ground, he ran outside, ready to find any random criminal (preferably a thief) that he could take his vexation out on.

**A/N:**

I'm having so much fun playing with dead people.


	6. Expressions of Innocence

**Title:** Expressions of Innocence  
**Fandom:** Detective Conan  
**Pairing:** none  
**Characters:** Takagi Wataru  
**Rating:** K  
**Genre:** Humor Parody  
**Warnings:** none  
**Author's Note:** Wow, this turned out a lot different than expected. It's a sequel to the _Third Conspiracy: Expressions of Justice_. It's not nearly as good, but it was completely different from what I though it would be. I never thought I could do something so crack-ish. I might do another sequel to the 3rd that's unrelated to this one though, depending on responses. I guess… tell me what you think? I Takagi.  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright to their respective copyright holders.  
**Summary:** Wataru suddenly finds himself surrounded by chaos.

"_Innocence is always unsuspicious."  
-Helen Keller_

_**Sixth Conspiracy**__  
Expressions of Innocence_

Seeing the flush on his superior's face, Wataru normally would have been amused. This time, however, the feeling was mutual. When Wataru arrived with Satou-san, even Conan-kun was feeling just about as uneasy, and he was the one who did it (even if it _was_ an accident).

That's a sensitive spot for _any_ guy.

"And then what happened?" Megure-keibu asked, looking very much like he wanted to stop thinking about how this criminal was taken out.

"Well," he said, wishing he'd been able to just not respond to the call in the first place. "Ran-san walked in, with the criminal on the floor, and Conan-kun was, apparently, just staring at him… When the criminal tried to get back up, Ran-san realized that he had a gun, and she took him out with a drop kick."

Police were scattered around and the street was closed off. The criminal's name was unknown, but he was an assassin wanted in many countries, as well as by Interpol. They hadn't managed to get much more information about him, though. _Out of sight, out of mind,_ Wataru thought. _The sooner they get this guy _away_, the sooner I can stop thinking about it._

"No one really knows why Conan-kun was targeted, though."

He looked over at Conan-kun, who seemed to have gotten out of being smothered by a worried Ran-san, if only because she'd been distracted by Sonoko-san and two other girls—one looked eerily similar to Ran-san, while the other had light colored hair and gave a childish impression, especially with the pigtails.

Conan-kun was standing in front of Ai-chan, who was staring at the criminal, and Agasa-san stood nearby, looking rather disconcerted towards both of them. The Shounen Tantei gazed at the scene with wide eyes near _him_, and Mouri-san was bickering with Kisaki-san not far from Ran-san, both of them in a conveniently protective position.

Kudou-san and his wife, and another woman he didn't recognize, watched the chaos with much non-chalance, Nakamouri-keibu boomed out in some rant about KID (along side that Jirokichi guy)—was that a flash of white over there?—as his assistant (Tarou something?) attempted to calm him down, and Jodie-sensei screeched over her cell phone next to a gray-haired foreign man and the FBI agent he recalled as Cameru or something.

Hattori-kun seemed to be _trying_ to fend of Kazuha-san _and_ quarrel with Hakuba-kun (next to an oddly dressed young woman—are those _cobras_?—and very ugly looking butler), but was failing both, and Kyougoku-san lurked a short distance from Sonoko-san, also appearing fairly protective.

Now that he looked closely, Hattori-kun's mother was also present, as well was his and Kazuha-san's fathers.

A woman Wataru remembered as Sonoko-san's older sister was in attendance with her husband and father, and Yamato Kansuke-keibu leaned on his crutch next to his girlfriend, yelling at Yamamura-keibu for being an idiot or something similar. Practically the whole Tokyo headquarters was scattered on the street as well…

_Where are all these people coming from__‽_

Half of these people don't belong in _Tokyo_, and several of them shouldn't even be in the the _country_! Takagi gazed around with wide eyes at all the pandemonium that raced around him. What was he supposed to make of this?

_Maybe I'm dreaming…_ He pinched himself. _Ow, nope._

Wataru searched for something in the mess that didn't seem so chaotic, and was rewarded with an apathetic Conan talking to an EMT. Ai-chan was still standing behind him, staring fearfully at the black-clad criminal, who was, in turn, glaring at her. The criminal's gaze shifted to the miniature detective, and the glare intensified so much that he could _feel_ it.

"I should've made sure you were dead the first time, you brat!"

Conan-kun broke off his conversation with the EMT to look at the criminal (currently being jostled by police officers trying to stuff him into the police car, though he was hardly budging) and he grinned. "Or the second time, or the third time, or any of the times after that! Then I wouldn't have given you so much trouble, right?" And his face was _far_ too innocent (though it wasn't the first time he'd seen it…)

That response surprised the criminal enough that the police finally got him into the back of the car, but a string of obscenities burst from his mouth, even muffled by the closed doors. That was one pissed assassin.

_I guess they know each other,_ Wataru deadpanned to himself.

"Well," Conan drawled, apathetic once again and looking like he wanted nothing more than to just _go to bed_, "That was a bit anti-climactic."

**A/N:**

Did I get a bit carried away?


	7. Expressions of Meaning

**Title:** Expressions of Meaning  
**Fandom:** Detective Conan/Magic Kaito  
**Pairing:** Kaito*Shinichi  
**Characters:** Kudou Shinichi, Kuroba Kaito  
**Rating:** K  
**Genre:** Drama/Romance/Humor  
**Warnings:** slight Shounen Ai, fluff  
**Author's Note:** So, the other day, I was trying to write about a prompt given by Key-chi, but I was getting frustrated, so Sama-sama gave me 'park' and so, it ended up being Prompt: Vanilla + Park – Vanilla. Oh, dear. The fluff.  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright to their respective copyright holders.  
**Summary:** Kaito and Shinichi are sitting in the park.

"_People protect what they love."  
-Jacques Yves Cousteau_

_**Seventh Conspiracy**__  
Expressions of Meaning_

"So? What happened here?"

Shinichi shifted and twisted his head uncomfortably to give Kaito a questioning look.

"Everywhere you go, there's some kind of mystery," he elaborated. "I assume that you've been to Haido Park before, so something must have happened here, right?"

Shinichi turned back to his position of half-leaning on the magician, jostling Kaito a bit harder than necessary. "Shut up."

Silence reigned for several moments until Kaito couldn't wait anymore. "So?" he asked impatiently. "What happened here?"

The detective gave a glare at the bench's armrest near his feet, not wanting to move from his comfortable spot again. "Why does something _have_ to have happened?"

"Because you're you," was the answer. "Come to think of it, ninety-nine percent of the time, that 'something' that's happened is a death of some kind, and ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, it's a murder."

"You do know that made absolutely no sense, don't you? And it wasn't a murder. It was an attempted assassination."

"Aside from the fact that it was only _attempted_, in which I surmise that no one actually _died_, isn't that worse than a murder?"

Shinichi ignored him. "I came here with Jodie-sensei as Conan, and we stopped a political candidate from being taken out by Chianti and Korn, with Kir's help. We had to do it a second time on a bridge, and then they gave up. Then I had to keep Occhan from being assassinated, in which I almost got _myself_ sniped as well, but there was an FBI agent that was an even better sniper, and they had to retreat."

Kaito was tense. He knew that Shinichi danced with criminals far too often, and, as KID, even Kaitou had been shot at a few times, but coming so close to being killed by a professional sniper?

Shinichi gave a yelp as his pillow disappeared, then tensed as arms circled around his waist and pulled him closer. "I-idiot! We're in the park! Public, you know!"

The arms only squeezed tighter. "Don't _do_ that." Kaito buried his face in Shinichi's neck. "Don't… put yourself in danger like that. What if you actually _had_ been shot? You wouldn't… _be here_. Baka…"

He relaxed against the thief's hold; Kaito was more important than any nosey spectators (is that _Hakuba_?) and it felt kinda good anyway. "Idiot," he announced quietly. "It'll take more than a moron with a gun to kill _me_. Nor something as commonplace as poison or a psychopath wielding a knife," he scolded. "Don't underestimate me. I haven't died yet."

Shinichi felt warm air against his throat as Kaito snorted, and he forced his mind to focus on the conversation. "With my luck," he continued, "I'll end up dying because of some stupid accident that's actually an accident—no tricks or scheming criminals about it. My death will have, without a doubt, no meaning at all," he decided.

"Don't say it like that!" Kaito hissed, scandalized. "You'll jinx yourself! You don't really _want_ your death to be meaningless, do you?"

"Well, no," he admitted casually, reaching a hand back to run through Kaito's hair. "I'd much rather die protecting something I care about."

**A/N:**

Sidefic to an unnamed future fic.


	8. Expressions of Dread

**Title:** Expressions of Dread  
**Fandom:** Detective Conan  
**Pairing:** none  
**Characters:** Edogawa Conan, Bourbon  
**Rating:** T  
**Genre:** Drama/Suspense  
**Warnings:** none  
**Author's Note:** When I wrote this, I hadn't even meant to make it a conspiracy, but it ended up being a good sequel to the 3rd, but it's nowhere near as humorous. On another note, I was really happy with the response to 7's fluff, and I am _so_ glad that I added that little bit about Hakuba. It really seemed to lighten up the atmosphere and it received a great response. Thanks, everyone!  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright to their respective copyright holders.  
**Summary:** Conan realizes that he may have made a dire mistake.

"_Dread of night. Dread of not-night."  
-Franz Kafka_

_**Eighth Conspiracy**__  
Expressions of Dread_

Conan habitually shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up to give Gin a strong, triumphant glare and a sardonic smirk. "You should have made sure I was dead the first time, Gin."

The glare was returned, just as strong, but without the smirk. In fact, the black clad man seemed a bit triumphant himself.

And then he noticed a scratch near Gin's ear. It wasn't bleeding, but the skin looked strangely torn, almost as if...

"_Shit_," he swore instinctively in English, leaping forward and latching onto the man's clothes, to the confusion and consternation of the surrounding police officers. He reached up and pulled at the man's cheek, feeling a cold dread enter from his fingertips as Gin's face tore and flopped to the ground, revealing the man he knew as Bourbon.

**A/N:**

So Conan knows who Bourbon is, or at least what he looks like. I guess he could be Okiya if you want him to be, but it doesn't matter, either way. Written in an attempt to make Bourbon conspiracy theories, where I chat with soldiers to come up with ridiculous answers to Bourbon's identity.


	9. Expressions of Refuge

**Title:** Expressions of Refuge  
**Fandom:** Detective Conan  
**Pairing:** none  
**Characters:** Edogawa Conan, Haibara Ai  
**Rating:** K  
**Genre:** Drama/Friendship  
**Warnings:** kinda fluffy  
**Author's Note:** I don't know what this is. It hit me, and then it was gone. Tsu-chi suggested I conspire it. The next Conspiracy will be happier and funnier, I promise.  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright to their respective copyright holders.  
**Summary:** Conan always seems to know just what to say.

"_Live as if you were already living for the second time."  
-Vince Lombardi_

_**Ninth Conspiracy**__  
Expressions of Refuge_

The match flared to life, lighting her face with a soft glow, and she cupped her hand around the flame to keep the wind from blowing it out. She let him bring the incense close enough to light, and then the flame died.

The sun was setting as they sat in silence and the smoky fragrance was swept away in the breeze.

"I've wanted to follow her so many times," Ai said wistfully.

"I promised that I'd protect you."

She stared at him, feeling lost once again. Then she sighed. "Why is it that whenever I feel like giving up once and for all, you say something that makes everything all better?" Tears began to form as her chest constricted. It was this day, exactly one year ago, that her sister had died.

Conan looked at her with a countenance she couldn't interpret. "I promised your sister I'd protect you, right before she died. Even without that, I'd have done it anyway. But I never would've been able to protect you all on my own.

"Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I'd just died when I was supposed to. Then, everyone wouldn't have been put in such danger by being near me. I have a lot of things—a lot of _people_—I'm willing to protect with my life. None of that means that I _want_ to die.

"You may want to see Akemi-san, but you _don't_ want to die, Haibara. If you did, then no amount of my protection would have kept you alive."


	10. Expressions of Too Much Information

**Title:** Expressions of Too Much Information  
**Fandom:** Detective Conan/Magic Kaito  
**Pairing:** KaiShin  
**Characters:** Nakamouri Ginzou  
**Rating:** T  
**Genre:** Humor/Parody  
**Warnings:** none  
**Author's Note:** Humor as promised. This was originally going to be Takagi (because he is awesome) but then I got this Nakamouri vibe, and so... But depending on responses, I might write something kinda similar but different with Takagi next time. Hakuba is also going into consideration.  
**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright to their respective copyright holders.  
**Summary:** Our favorite thief gets caught red-handed. So to speak.

"_Secret operations are essential in war; upon them the army relies to make its every move."  
-Sun Tzu_

_**Tenth Conspiracy**__  
Expressions of Too Much Information_

"Shouldn't you be trying to arrest me, Keibu?"

"Shut up!" Nakamouri screeched, fighting against the flush at the high pitch of his voice, but really, this was _not_ a situation he'd ever expected to be in. That, and he really didn't like the implication of the word 'trying'. Hello, high blood pressure. Again. "What are you two _thinking_?!"

It was a good thing that the inspector's subordinates were so unwilling to walk into the office and face their superior when they heard him ranting—apparently, it wasn't odd for him to go into a tirade when he was in his office alone, being the head of the Kaitou KID task force. This wasn't the best set of circumstances to be walked in on.

Kaitou KID sat in one chair of Nakamouri-keibu's office, arms crossed and looking very much like a pouting child who'd been caught red-handed. No pun intended. Edogawa Conan sat in the other, appearing just as defiant, with his head turned to the side, a blush prominent on his cheeks.

"Do either of you even realize what you're doing? What ..._it_... means?!" It was completely unanticipated, and Nakamouri Ginzo had _absolutely no idea_ what to do about it.

"It's not like we expected to be caught," retorted KID. He was acting _far_ too nonchalant about this!

"What kind of an answer is that?! Do you realize how much trouble you're in? _Both of you!_" he growled, and the Edogawa boy jumped, glared at him, and then returned to staring obstinately at the wall. The fond look the boy's rebellious actions were receiving from KID only brought Nakamouri closer to cracking once and for all. "Y-y-you... You were..." Hysteria choked his words back down, and he couldn't even say it.

"Kissing?" Conan deadpanned, glaring again. "Really, Keibu-san, despite your intellectual capacity—or rather, lack thereof—it's not a difficult word to pronounce."

Nakamouri's sputtering was promptly cut off. "Tantei-kun," KID scolded, "you aren't helping."

"Neither are you," the cold scowl suddenly fixed on the thief—though Nakamouri could _swear_ that it softened slightly—and he found himself relaxing, much to his consternation. Why did the brat's mere attention disconcert him so much?

"KID," he said, valiantly attempting to calm himself and failing considerably. "Does it register in your mind that this makes you a pedophile?"

"_Excuse_ me!" KID yelped, scandalized.

"It's not like it was _entirely_ nonconsensual!" Conan defended dubiously.

Nakamouri rounded on the brat. "It doesn't matter _how_ consensual it was! You are a minor, and that-"

This time, he was cut off in mid-sentence. "So I'm older than I look!" Immediately realizing what he just said, Conan paled. The inspector inwardly debated with himself whether or not to compare the hellion's expression to that of a puppy who had just been smacked hard on the nose with a newspaper, no clue what he'd done wrong.

Silence ensued.

"And _what_," Nakamouri severed the little horror's terrorized silent stammering with a low growl, "does _that_ mean?" Because Edogawa Conan was quite obviously a _child_, not an _adult_, and he certainly was not some dwarf or midget, but the implications of a seemingly innocent child being, in reality, a full grown adult...

"Now you've done it, Meitantei," KID muttered. So KID knew about this? Well, _obviously_...

"Shut up!" Conan snarled stiffly, clearly still visibly panicked. "We wouldn't be in this situation if you hadn't been _molesting_ me again-"

Again?

"You were _hardly_ complaining! Besides, I said that we should go back home-"

"-To continue, yes! So that you could do even more who-knows-what where we wouldn't be seen-"

"Again, you weren't complaining! I wouldn't do _anything_ to you if you gave anything more than those half-hearted protests that you _know_ just turn me on even more!"

And wasn't _that_ too much information?

"ENOUGH!" Nakamouri bellowed, his palms smacking his desk, and both thief and (not) child nearly jumped out of their skins, having forgotten all about him. Well, at least the brat had lost that pathetic abandoned puppy expression. "What did you mean, 'older than I look'?!" He was determined to strangle the answer out of one of them if it was the last thing he did!

At least, he was until they both whirled their heads toward him, identical glowers startling him back to the point that he nearly tripped over his chair. "Nothing," they snapped harshly—defensively, he thought—in unison, and then they went back to their flirty bickering, pointedly ignoring him.

**A/N:**

Told ya so.


End file.
